“When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?’”
John 5:6
I struggled with pornography for 30 years as a Christian man before I finally gave it up. I don’t know why I took so long. I knew that looking at inappropriate images was sin. I knew that lusting at women caused me to commit adultery. But still I struggled to get victory. I was like the man at the Pool of Bethesda, who had an infirmity for 38 years and still hadn’t been cured.
I think my problem was that I couldn’t imagine a life without porn. I had tried for so many years to quit that I had lost perspective on what was even possible. I knew in my heart that pornography was sin. But I also knew in my head that the temptation to view it was strong, that falling to temptation was so easy, and that I had a track record of quitting and then failing. I had resigned myself to probably never getting the victory over my sin.
But then a day came when Jesus met me in my infirmity. I didn’t see Him. And He didn’t speak to me. But Jesus communicated with me all the same that 30 years in my sin was enough. The question now wasn’t “Can I be made well?” The question was, “Do I want to be made well?” My answers was “yes.”
November 2021 is the month when I finally said enough is enough. It’s the month when I purposed to never look at another inappropriate image or video ever again. I made my decision not knowing what victory would look like. I had no experience living a life of sexual purity for more than a few weeks. But, somehow, when I made my decision, I knew that I was not going back.
The lesson I learned is that I don’t have to know how healing will come. I just have to want it. I don’t need to understand how Jesus will make me well. I just have to want Him to. Like the man by the Pool of Bethesda, I can be healed in an instant after decades of being infirm. I can rise, take up my bed, and walk. If Jesus commands me to do it, I know I can. I just have to want to.
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