“And Elijah came to all the people, and said, ‘How long will you falter between two opinions? If the LORD is God, follow Him; but if Baal, follow him.’”
1 Kings 18:21
If you want to quit pornography and masturbation, discover your Big Why. Find your reason, your motivation, your incentive for quitting sexual immorality once and for all. Just make sure it’s a big enough reason. Without a solid motivation for quitting, you are likely to return again and again to your sexual sin. I speak from experience.
I looked at pornography for the first time in 1971 and for the last time in the winter of 2021. I know the month and I know the year because 2021 marked my 30th anniversary as a Christian. I was converted in the summer of 1991 after a miraculous series of events that proved the reality of God’s working in my life. That July I repented of my sins, trusted Christ as my Savior, and asked God to forgive me based on the sacrifice, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ for my sins. From that day on, I was born again and had a new nature.
Some of my besetting sins fell away almost immediately. I stopped getting drunk. I stopped swearing. I stopped dressing immodestly. I stopped lying. I stopped stealing. These sins became suddenly obvious to me, and giving them up wasn’t hard. But looking at porn and doing the physical act that typically follows that viewing was another matter. I knew I should stop. I wanted to stop. But I had been engaged in these sins since the age of 14, and I was now 31 but still at it. Quitting seemed unlikely, maybe even impossible. Plus, I secretly enjoyed my sin. So I faltered between two opinions (1 Kings 18:21).
Finally, in 1996, the Holy Spirit convicted me of my wickedness. I spoke with my pastor and confessed my sin. I admitted that I looked at pornography and pleasured myself. I admitted that these things were sin. I told him that I hated my habit, wanted to quit, but needed help with the how. His counsel was simple: Just stop. That’s it. No tips, no tactics, no mentoring, no Bible study, no prayer, no accountability and no follow-up. Just stop. Well, I didn’t stop. Not for another 25 years. But that pastor was instrumental in my quitting all the same.
You see, when my 30th anniversary of being a Christian arrived, I realized how ashamed I would be if I bumped into my old pastor and he asked me how I was getting on with my besetting sin. I suddenly realized that I would have to admit to him, 25 years after confessing my sin and seeking his advice, that I was still willfully indulging my sin. I still said I hated it, I still said I wanted to quit, but I still hadn’t attained the victory I claimed I desired.
In that moment I realized how ridiculous all of it was. Why was I still struggling with this sin after 30 years as a believer? I wasn’t addicted. No one was forcing me to look at pornography. I had absolutely zero excuses for my behavior. I felt the shame and regret deep in my bones that November of 2021. And that’s when I discovered my Big Why. It wasn’t obeying the convicting power of the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t saving my marriage. It wasn’t holding on to my job. It wasn’t avoiding arrest and jail time. My Big Why was humiliation. I respected and admired my old pastor, and I wanted to be able to look him in the eye and say, “Of course I don’t look at pornography or pleasure myself anymore. I have victory in that area.”
I wish I could say that I had a spiritual reason for quitting pornography and masturbation. I wish I could say that the teaching of scripture was clear (it is), that God demands my sanctification (He does), and that I simply obeyed God (as I should have). But I can’t. What drove me to quit for good was simple disgust—disgust with myself for engaging in my sexual sin for so many years. Turns out that the chat I had with my pastor in 1996 paid off after all. But please don’t follow my example. Yes, find your Big Why. Just don’t falter between two opinions for 30 years.
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