When journalists want to get to the bottom of a news story, they ask the Five Ws and the One H. They ask about the Who, What, Why, Where, When and How. If you want to conquer sexual temptation, particularly the temptation to look at pornography or to masturbate, you must uncover the Five Ws and the One H of your sexual temptation. To defeat sexual sin, you must understand yourself. And that means discovering your six types of triggers.
Who Triggers You to Sin Sexually?
Let’s start with the Who of sexual temptation. Who tempts you to commit sexual sin? Who do you lust after? Who lusts after you?
As you read your Bible, you discover that men have been tempted to sin sexually for centuries. Most of them were tempted to sin with a particular woman. Job was tempted to lust after any young, female virgin (Job 31:11). King David saw a particular stranger bathing and lusted after her (2 Samuel 11:1-5). Joseph was tempted by the wife of his employer to have sex with her (Genesis 39:1-15). Sampson was tempted by a prostitute (Judges 16:1). A man in Corinth was tempted to sin sexually with his step-mother (1 Corinthians 5:1-13).
These temptations took place at various times in human history. Sometimes, the man alone was at fault (David with Bathsheba, for example). Other times, the woman was solely at fault (Joseph with Potiphar’s wife). And at other times, both the man and the woman were equally responsible (Samson and Delilah). But the key thing to note is that these men who fell into sexual immorality knew the kind of woman they were attracted to. Job was attracted to young virgins. David was attracted to beautiful women who exposed themselves in public. Sampson was attracted to prostitutes.
One way to avoid looking at pornography and masturbating is to discover who you are attracted to. You are not attracted to all women in equal measure. You have a preference. You have a type. To gain victory over sexual temptation, you must avoid your type. Job avoided young virgins. Joseph avoided Potiphar’s wife. Sampson should have avoided prostitutes. Jesus says you are to avoid any woman who causes you to lust with your eyes.
To get victory over sexual temptation, you not only have to understand when you are tempted, and how you are tempted, and where you are tempted, but also by whom you are tempted. Sexual temptation always has an object. You lust after someone in particular. You must discover who that someone is. Once you discover the Who of your sexual temptation, you are prepared to avoid them.
What Triggers You to Look at Pornography?
One big advantage of sexual temptation is that it’s predictable. Once you start paying attention, you discover that you are repeatedly tempted by the same things. If you want to conquer your illicit sexual urges, particularly the temptation to look at pornography, you must uncover your unique What.
So forget, for the moment, when you are usually tempted. And forget why or where you are usually tempted. Focus instead on what tempts you. Many men are tempted by what they see, for example. For some men, it’s the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated. For other guys, it’s the sex scenes on HBO television shows. And for still other men, its provocative dancing they see on TikTok.
I could draft a list right now of all the ways that men are tempted to look at porn, but that list would likely trigger some readers to go and do that very thing. So I won’t do your homework for you. If you want to get victory over pornography, you must examine your life to learn what tempts you to sin against the Lord in this way. You must learn about your own What.
If you have been viewing porn for more than a few years, you know your triggers. Or you will soon recognize them once you start paying closer attention to what you are doing when you are tempted. You may find that, when you are alone, you are most often tempted by scrolling aimlessly through your Instagram feed. That is your What of sexual temptation. Or you may discover that, during the summer, when you are out and about, minding your own business, what tempts you is what women wear, or, to be more accurate, what they don’t wear. That is your What of sexual temptation.
Once you know What tempts you to sin sexually, you are ready to take steps to avoid those triggers. You have the insights you need to avoid those things, to abstain from those activities, to abandon those pastimes. Which brings me to the other big advantage of sexual temptation. The results you gain by resisting sexual temptation are also predictable. You sin less. You feel less shame. You experience less guilt. You gain more self-control. You get on better with your wife. Not a bad return on investment for doing a wee bit of homework on yourself, eh?
Why are You Tempted to View Pornography?
You are tempted to look at porn because you are wicked. There, I’ve said it. I’ve said it because just about everyone else you consult will tell you that you view pornography for other reasons. But if you want to gain sexual purity, if you desire to have a life that is free of porn, masturbation and sexual immorality, you must understand your Why.
First, let’s dispense with the faulty explanations for why you view pornography.
- You don’t look at porn because you suffered a spiritual wound as a child.
- You don’t visit pornographic websites because you need a “drug” to dull your pain.
- You don’t watch porn because you are an addict.
- You don’t view porn because you are “powerless over your addictions and compulsive behaviors.”
You watch porn because you enjoy it. Sure, you experience regret and shame after the act. But while you are viewing porn, you are enjoying it. Viewing illicit images and videos releases dopamine into your brain and makes you feel awesome. You like that sensation. I know I did, for 50 years. That’s why you return to porn repeatedly—because this particular sin feels so good.
You watch porn because your heart is wicked. Jesus says, “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man” (Matthew 15:19-20). Your heart isn’t wicked because you watch porn. You watch porn because your heart is wicked.
You view porn because you desire it. You are tempted by porn because you are drawn away by your own desires and enticed (James 1:14). You might say you hate porn. But if you return to it repeatedly, habitually, you don’t hate it, at least not all the time. You desire it. That’s why you are tempted by it. You can’t be tempted by something you don’t desire.
I hope you believe this, and that you forgive me for being so blunt. But this is a truth that you must know in your bones. You don’t watch porn because of something that happened to you in your childhood. You don’t look at it compulsively because your body is addicted. Your Why is spiritual, internal. Your problem is your soul. Watching porn is sexual immorality, a sin against God. When you look at porn, you offend God’s holiness and purity, you directly and willfully disobey the divine commands of scripture to abstain, and you ignore the clear biblical warnings that the sexually immoral will never inherit the kingdom of God, but will instead be cast into hell. As you can see, there is a great deal at stake for you in understanding your Why. This is why I am being so forceful.
So please don’t search anywhere else but the Bible to discover why you look at porn. Don’t look to Celebrate Recovery, despite how well-meaning they are. Don’t listen to secular psychologists. Don’t listen to Christian psychologists either, for that matter, unless their diagnosis, prognosis and remedy line up with God’s book. And speaking of the Bible, you will notice that from Genesis to Revelation, God never once asks you to examine yourself to discover why you sin sexually. Because your Why doesn’t matter to God. What does matter is whether you sin, or don’t sin. If you want victory over pornography, sexual temptation and masturbation, stop looking for excuses for why you willfully sin against God. You already know why—you desire porn because your heart is wicked. That’s one good reason for why you should quit, eh?
Where Are You Tempted to Watch Pornography?
King David was tempted sexually while on the rooftop of his house. Joseph was tempted at work. Sampson was tempted during a walk. What about you? Where are you most likely to be tempted to look at pornography? If you want to achieve sexual purity, you must understand your Where.
Are you tempted while in your bedroom? The living room? The basement? Somewhere else? Sexual temptation always happens somewhere. Your job is to know the places where you know you are most likely to face temptation. Then you must take practical steps to ensure that you are not tempted in those places again.
King David had a rooftop he could avoid. Joseph had rooms in the house he could escape to to avoid his master’s wife. And Sampson had other routes to reach Gaza that he could take to avoid meeting prostitutes. You have options, too. For example, if you discover that you are most tempted to look at porn on your phone while in the bathroom, don’t take your phone into the bathroom with you anymore. If you discover that you are always tempted to watch porn in hotel rooms when travelling alone on business trips, ask the hotel to remove the TV from your room before you arrive. If you know that you always battle temptation at work, turn your desk so that your computer monitor faces the door. Then leave your door open.
Then there are the public places where you are tempted sexually. I’m talking public beaches in the heat of summer. The local public pool. Your neighbor’s pool. The red light district in your town. That magazine rack in the local store. You know the places that are most dangerous for you to visit. You know the locations where you have fallen to the sin of pornography. If you still aren’t sure, draw up a list. Catalog where you have fallen. List every building, every room, every place.
Victory over sexual sin comes partly through understanding yourself. You must understand where you are tempted to look at porn so that you avoid those places from now on. Porn is destructive. You literally don’t want to go there.
When Are You Tempted to Look at Pornography?
To gain victory over sexual temptation, you must discover when temptation usually strikes. Knowing how you are tempted is important. And knowing where you tend to experience wicked urges is also important. But just as important is discovering when you are tempted to sin sexually. Knowing your When helps you anticipate sexual temptation—and fight it off.
The timeliness of sexual temptation has two aspects. You are likely tempted to look at porn either at a particular time of day, or when you feel a particular way, or both. For example, I know a brother in the Lord who faces his strongest temptations to look at inappropriate videos and images the day after he makes love with his wife. He doesn’t know why this is, but he knows the pattern. I know another brother who is tempted to look at porn whenever he is bored and searching for a diversion.
Your results may differ. You may feel tempted most strongly in the late evenings, when everyone else in the house is in bed, and you are up and all alone with your computer. Or you may identify with the folks in Alcoholics Anonymous, who say that temptation is sure to come when you are either Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT). For a double whammy, you may know that the strongest urge to watch porn arrives in the late evening and when you are lonely, or whenever you are alone in the house and when you are discouraged.
The key thing to remember about your When is that it’s predictable. It’s predictable because it follows a pattern. Once you start paying attention to how you are tempted, and by whom you are tempted, and where you are tempted, you also discover when you are tempted. You notice patterns in your behavior that are triggered by your circumstances, environment, time of day and mental state. You notice that sexual temptation arrives in predictable ways, in some common places, at predictable times. This insight gives you the power you need to avoid temptations. Knowing when your enemy will attack you is one of the greatest advantages you can gain in wartime. And you are in a war.
This insight has immense practical value. For example, if you realize that you are typically tempted when you are up at night and all alone with a computer, don’t stay up late at night with a computer anymore. Or, if you discover that you are usually tempted whenever you are angry, lonely or tired, install porn-blocking software on all of your electronic devices so that you can’t sin when you are at your weakest. Or, if you realize that you are typically tempted to look at porn on your phone whenever you take it into the bathroom with you, don’t take it into the bathroom with you anymore. Take the Bible instead.
Which brings up a good point. One way to battle the When of temptation is to deploy a substitute. Find an activity to do during those times when you know you will be tempted to look at porn. Think of healthy alternatives to looking at pornography, and start doing one of them before temptation strikes. That’s one good thing about sexual temptation. Once you discover when temptation typically arrives, you can ambush it, and defeat it.
How Are You Tempted to Look at Pornography?
Sexual temptation is a process, not an event. The temptation to look at pornography is a process with a beginning, a middle and an end. If you want to gain victory over pornography in your life, you must understand how you are tempted.
The key thing to remember about pornography is that it changes your brain chemistry. Looking at pornography is pleasurable because the mere act of looking releases dopamine into your brain. Dopamine is a compound present your body that acts as a neurotransmitter, a chemical messenger between your brain cells. Higher levels of dopamine create feelings of euphoria and bliss, and act as a reward system. Watching pornography releases unnaturally high levels of dopamine into your brain. Your brain likes the feeling, and seeks out more pornography in order to get the reward of more dopamine.
Other activities release dopamine into your brain. Exercise, gambling, shopping, skydiving, smelling cookies baking in the oven, all of these activities can give you a dopamine rush and make you feel terrific. To feel that same level of pleasure, you are tempted, or motivated, to repeat the activity. That’s how habits—good and bad—start.
The temptation to look at porn is a process that Dr. Kevin Skinner calls The Activation Sequence. It looks like this:
Trigger
Emotional Response
First Thought
Chemical Release
Body Language
Second Thought (The Battle)
Action
It all starts with a trigger. You see someone, or read something, or hear something. That’s followed by an involuntary emotional response. You feel delighted, or disgusted, or curious, for instance. Then comes the first thought. If you are a Christian man, and if the trigger is a pornographic image, this first thought is likely whether you will continue looking. Then comes the chemical release, the dopamine that travels to your brain, and feels so pleasurable. Then your body changes. Your pulse increases, your breathing increases, you begin to get an erection. Then you have your second thought. Here you wage battle with your conscience, thinking up reasons for continuing to look at the porn, and reasons for looking away. Whichever thought wins this battle, that is the action you will take.
Dr. Skinner’s advice, which I agree with, is to take a detour long before the dopamine hits your brain. As soon as you see, read or hear something suggestive, provocative or illicit, quit what you are doing and hop off the temptation train. The longer you stay on, the farther down the activation sequence you travel, the harder it is to hop off. That’s the thing about pleasure—we don’t want it to stop. But to conquer pornography, you must conquer your flesh. You must deny yourself the sinful pleasure of looking at pornography.
Need a daily kick in the pants to quit porn biblically? Buy the book, or subscribe to my daily kick.
Was this post helpful? Share it now:
